So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
