I think my fart just growled at me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Damn victory sex feels great
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
