Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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