The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
