He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
