Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
