I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
