My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Pants 0. Shit 1.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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