shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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