remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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