We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
