Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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