you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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