THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
