Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We named our party play list daddy issues
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
