matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish my penis had an off switch
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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