I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
