i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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