First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
