Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
