i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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