Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
