Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
