i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
