I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
