I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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