1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
