I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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