my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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