She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
