did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
