Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
