had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
