I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
