Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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