Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
