im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
