nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
