yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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