Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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