he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
