i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
