I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
