so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Boobs speak an international language.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
