Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
