Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
