I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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