ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
