That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
