I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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