Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
