Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
