we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
