I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You've changed since you got that strap on
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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