did you get engaged???
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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