I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
