Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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