I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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