She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
